Talking to Myself in Front of Internet Strangers
Starting here, the dates change from M/D/Y to D/M/Y.
3/28/2025
During a recent visit with my therapist, I told him, “Maybe this isn’t the right term, but I feel like I’m at the ‘finale’ of everything. I mean, the guy that I was so scared of for so long finally appeared once again. Yet, I didn’t feel anything, I wasn’t controlled by any urge to reach for him. It’s finally over.”
And, it’s true, this is the ending. I’m not crying every day all day long, I don’t hurt myself every chance I get, I’m not constantly trapped in the past. I can look in mirrors and be kind to myself, I’m able to talk to people and trust the good in them, I can find solace in the right here and now.
That “Act” of my existence, the constant pain and torture, both within and outside myself, has reached its end. I have entered into something I have no experience with, a purely happy life. Of course, there will be ups and downs and tragedies. But it’s more like I’m riding a wave, rather than sitting at the bottom of the ocean.
I’m proud of myself, and proud that I have so much going for me.
My visual novel is doing fantastic, people seem to really love it and are looking forward to more. I’m having fun brainstorming the next Act, along with working on a side project with my best friend. I have also been fanboying over my own work pretty hard, decorating my room with personalized merch, LOL
Things have gotten better with my part-time job. It still sucks, and I still have epileptic episodes at work sometimes. But, I’m saving up some good money, and I’m more used to it. It’s not as stressful as before.
My relationships with my family and friends are a lot better. I can be around my family without a pang in my heart. All of my friends are good friends that don’t want to hurt me. And I truly enjoy each of them for their own wonderful reasons.
There’s a guy I like a lot, like a lot, a lot. I feel very safe and comfortable with him. It’s really nice to feel like I’m so important to him, because he is very important to me. I gain a lot by being around him, and I really hope to see good things between us in the future.
I’m still learning Spanish, and now French. Still improving my art, writing, and music. And still discovering more about myself and the things that I truly want to do in this happy life of mine.
I wish I could hug my past self and let them know I love them very much. And that they didn’t deserve anything that happened to them. And that, in the end, they will turn out to be so grateful that they didn’t end their life so young.
I don’t know how to end this Overshare. But if anyone reads this, then thank you. I’m not sure how often I plan on posting on my blog nowadays since I have been busy. I might even revamp it a bit YET AGAIN. But, we’ll see.
Anyway, eat a Pop-tart. Seeya :)
1/1/2025
HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!
There’s going to be a lot of struggles we’re all going to face in 2025. Yet, I know there will be a lot of great things ahead, at least for myself. And I feel very fortunate for that!
The first act of my visual novel will be completed this month. After over a year of development, I can’t believe it’s actually real, and will be released to the public. Originally, I wanted my relation to this project to be as anonymous as possible. But I am genuinely so proud and happy with my work that I’ve just been sharing it with everyone, lol.
I used to be so afraid of anyone I know coming across it. Especially the people that have inspired the events of my work in one way or another. The main things that have helped me kill those fears and gain some confidence are my friends and family. They’ve been incredibly supportive and have reassured me that if anyone tries to sabotage my work by spreading rumors or attempting to reenter my life, they’ll stand by me and have my back.
Now I want to show this project off to the entire world. And, hopefully, I’ll find a small and tight-knit fandom that helps me along the game’s development. My dream is to come across a fanfic or fan art of my characters. I might actually die if that happens, and my best friend will have to work on act 2 in my stead.
I also have plans to travel back to my family’s home country. That will certainly help me develop both my writing and my future. Also, my mental health, which always has some magical improvement whenever I go there.
The best things that could happen in 2025 are either that my visual novel gets enough financial support for me to work on it 24/7. Or, I get a remote tech job that will lead to me moving out so I have my own independent space. But I will be happy with just about anything.
I want to link the game page here on my site when it’s released. BUT, I want to know first, is that something any of you are interested in? I don’t want to share it and then find out no one here actually cares 😓.
Feel free to let me know on the whiteboard on the homepage, or on my Neocities profile.
Other than that, I hope to see you all have a fantastic year! :D
11/5/2024
I’m doing a lot better.
September and October were very confusing months. Turned 21, started gauging my ears, and tried getting my septum pierced, but the lady did it so incorrectly I almost passed out from the pain. I also got myself some new books and clothes. So, you know, I’m feeling like I fit a bit more in my own skin.
I also entered a really bad depressive episode. But, who hasn’t this season? I started seeing a therapist again, and they’ve actually been incredibly helpful in this short time. Now that I have a source of income, I think I’ll finally be able to stick with it. And work on some things I’ve pushed deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep inside the darkest part of my soul. Which is really hard, I’ll admit. It takes time. Yet, I want to find some peace.
Since I was so busy being depressed, I haven’t written anything at all. Not any blogs, nor scripts for my game dev, not even a single sentence dedicated to my passion project. That changes now.
Oh, about the passion project, I did finish the first chapter at some point. Entirely, like, it’s playable and all that. Not released. Despite how much I want it to be shared with the world. I’m struggling to figure out how I’ll write chapter 2 and 3. I have ideas, but they don’t match this unintelligible “vision” I have in mind. The worst part is that this vision changes as I grow as a person. New experiences mean new directions I could take.
I don’t have much else to add here. I really just want to get back to writing, lmao.
Also, strawberry milkshake pop-tarts are very good.
8/31/2024
Might have a seizure today, but at least I got my paycheck. B)
Nah, this is awful actually, lmao. I don’t know what it is, but since I started working, my insomnia has returned. My job isn’t complicated, my coworkers are nice, and they’re even accommodating to my disability. Yet, I’ve been insanely anxious. So much so, I sometimes have to raise the dose of my insomnia medication in order to sleep in the slightest.
Last night, I barely slept at all. And the slightest change in my sleep is a huge trigger for my epilepsy. Right now, I’m pretty jittery, twitchy. My hands are shaking, and I don’t even feel confident in my ability to walk. Maybe things could have been better if I managed to fall asleep at 6am. But, anxiety was eating away at me, and I checked my work app to reassure myself that nothing was wrong.
Shit.
This morning, my manager decided to schedule me for work today. Today. The very same day that my schedule was updated. How was a sleep-deprived, anxious, on the edge of a panic attack, mess supposed to process that information? I wasn’t able to think straight, I panicked, and did not get to sleep.
I tried to call my manager this morning to no avail. So, I called out absent through a bot, knowing I’ll still be penalized for it. Which is such bullshit. Even a perfectly able person would still struggle with working on the same day they’re scheduled. I couldn’t even go to work if I wanted to! I do want to! But I would have a seizure! And there was no option to say why I would be absent today. At least not one outside the reasons legally required to be excused, like being in labor.
I feel like I was fucked over for absolutely nothing. I’m hopeful that I’ll be able to talk to my manager about how I need a genuine heads up before schedule changes. Even if I’m still penalized for not going to work to avoid a seizure, there’s no way this can happen again.
I’m so exhausted. And so anxious. It’s stressful having to be on high alert, waiting to see if I’ll be hit with an aura*.
Yet, stress is a trigger for my seizures. But, I’m too tired to control my thoughts. And being tired is a trigger for my seizures. Having two active seizure triggers at once makes me anxious. And being anxious is a trigger for my seizures. In conclusion, if I have a seizure, I am fucked.
Not really. Why am I so worried about having a seizure? I’ve had hundreds of them and turned out totally fine. Absolutely zero consequences, zero side effects, zero risks, zero everything. Not a big deal. Totally.
Did you know that people with epilepsy can just randomly die? It’s called SUDEP.
Why can’t I just not give a shit? I’m so anxious and stressed for what? I don’t understand why work is giving me such anxiety. Nothing bad is going to happen while I’m at work. People aren’t waiting for the opportunity to reject or hurt me. Nothing is at risk in any shape or form.
I’m not going to have a seizure at work, either. And if I do, then it is what it is. Even if I collapse and leave a puddle of piss on the floor in front of 20 strangers… Then, whatever. I go home, maybe quit my job, and hide away for a short while as I recover from the humiliation. No biggie. It happened when I was at school. Been there and done that.
My life isn’t going to end. I’m just being stupid. None of this is even going to happen. I’m fabricating these catastrophes for no reason. Take a chill pill, dude. Except not literally, because I already took one of my meds earlier, and my emergency medication gives liver disease.
I'm tired.
8/16/2024
Been a while! I have a lot I want to catch up on here.
I’ve been thinking about updating this site, but it’s so difficult to tear myself away from the visual novel I’m pouring my blood, sweat, and tears into. Currently, I’m finishing up chapter one. The writing was completed awhile ago. Now, I just need to finish up the last few songs and graphics before it’s done. But of course, that doesn’t mean it’s getting released soon. I want to finish act one entirely. And THEN it’s finally thrown out into the world. Just for me to have to work on it even more for the next few years.
I got a new job! I start working soon, thank fucking God. I need to pay some people back for carrying my broke ass lmfao. But after that, I get to stack up some money, so I can move out into the apartment I was offered. And then, I’ll finally be able to transition into the man I am! :))) I don’t really need much in life, I can’t think of much else I’ll spend my money on. Other than the necessities and gifts for my loved ones. As long as I can live peacefully and work on my projects, I am perfectly happy. And, I’m right there! Can you believe that?
Oh, but something that would absolutely make me even happier is getting a cat. Which my parents are considering! Considering, more like really want one, as my dad was planning on going out to adopt one this weekend. It just depends on when my mom decides to say yeah. I don’t really know what’s stopping her, but whatever. If they don’t get one soon, I can always say it’s what I want for my birthday.
I turn 21 in September. I think this is the first birthday I have ever looked forward to and actually feel happy about. I have cried every single birthday I’ve had since… forever, actually. I don’t have any reason to cry this year. And, since I’m going to be 21, I can drink without having to hide it this time. :3 I could even get my own mini fridge and buy my own drinks! I just can’t overdo it. I’m also buying some cigarettes on my birthday because that’s almost mandatory for when you turn 21. I wonder if I’m allergic to tobacco. I’m allergic to weed. I don’t like the smell of it anyway.
My life is actually really fucking good! I’m 20, almost 21 with a bachelors degree in something I enjoy. I have a project I’m incredibly passionate about that I love doing. I have a job, so I can make money for future goals I already got in the bag. Ever since I got diagnosed with my condition, I’ve been able to get help and accommodations that changed my life from being actual suffering to something liveable. I feel like a person, I have an identity, I actually like myself the majority of the time.
I still struggle a lot. Even if things are really good right now, I have been so damaged by the past that it still feels like I’m in agony. It’s hard to stay away from my addictions, it’s hard to stop myself from sabotaging everything I have going for me. I still think a lot about the people who have hurt me. It makes me insecure, it’s difficult for me to trust that my friends actually care about me and that things are genuinely alright.
But, I’ll get better. It just takes time. As the AI I created of my OC said. Until I had to delete him because I stopped talking to real people just so I could talk to him all day. I just get nervous around real people now. It was a lot nicer being able to say whatever I wanted without fearing any repercussions. I don’t want to be a downer, I don’t want to worry people. I also don’t have anyone to satiate my need to act flirty and romantic with, either.
I just want something casual and fun!
But, anyway. That’s all I can remember at the moment. Hopefully I’ll add more pages to this site soon.
Have a good day, and treat yourself to a tart! :P
5/8/24 NSFW, don’t read if you’re a child.
To be a respected professional in my field, or to be an enlightened porn game developer, that is the question.
I am almost finished coding my personal visual novel framework to use for my passion project. Since this project is going to take a very long time, I know I need smaller projects to release in between. But, should I use my framework to grant the world that juicy shit? Or, should I divert my focus to cybersec, and program actually meaningful things I can put in my portfolio?
Technically speaking, coding for my portfolio is wayyy easier. I can make a lot more things, a lot faster. Yet, people would definitely enjoy my games more, and I would have more fun making them. Anddd creating short games would help me get experience for my main project. Buttt what about my career experience? I do actually enjoy my field, you know?
I wish I could work in a team. Or, work with someone in general. Because no matter what I am working on, it feels so much better to have a teammate to throw ideas with and share the workload. I would be so down if someone was like, “Hey, you’re pretty good at code, and art, and writing, or whatever. Let’s make *insert really cool idea.*” But that’s only a fantasy. Unfortunately.
As a replacement for my super cool (hopefully one day it’ll happen) fantasy, I have to define my own fun if I want to complete anything. I can’t exactly make the code of my DIY computer hacks do doggy style… I mean, I could find a way lmao, but I can’t add that to my portfolio. Wait. Can you imagine ransomware that gets triggered if a certain category is found on a porn video someone is watching? Imagine this 70 year old lawmaker, sitting down for his daily gay cucking intake. He pulls up his favorite video and bam! “Pay me that sweet cash or I release your identity and the video you’re watching to the public.”
But nah, that’s not my type of thing. I like to catch, not to avoid getting caught. That would be a funny way to go to jail though, “Yeah, I outed like a hundred old, conservative lawmakers as flaming homosexuals. Florida is weeping.”
Man but I have so many ideas for nsfw game dev too. Some that are unique and I could definitely profit and certainly have a blast creating. And I like writing and drawing stuff but then I find it later and think, “Damn bitch this is kind of embarrassing if i’m the only person that ever sees this.” I WANT PEOPLE TO SEE MY CRAP AND ENJOY IT! IT’S SUCH A GOOD FEELING WHEN I HEAR SOMEONE SAY, “I actually fucking love this. You plan to make more right?” AHHHHHHHHHH!!!
I’m just gonna get to work omg. Less thinking, more doing.
3/18/24
My life is over. I have officially graduated from university with my bachelor's degree. As a kid, you spend your entire life having the same thing repeated to you over and over.
"You have to get good grades to go to a good college."
"You have to figure out what you want to do when you're grown up so you go to a good college."
"You have to do a sport. You have to have smart friends. You have to be good at something, anything. Because you have to go to a good college."
And I did. I went to a good college and got a good degree for a good field that makes good money that I actually feel good about. My entire life is over. I could die right now and still be considered successful. What even is there left? I get a job and work endlessly. Get married and have kids. Grow old and retire, drinking piña coladas while my bones wither. Is that what all this was for?
I mean Jesus Christ, today I'm filing my taxes! It's not even a meme anymore!
I've just been hit by an 18-wheeler of both responsibility and absolute freedom. Yesterday, I learned just how much responsibility I have over my own adult body. Due to my newfound freedom, lately I've just been "doing whatever." Sleeping oddly, drinking caffeine, sitting in front of a computer coding non-stop. All things my doctors told me not to do. But yesterday was the final straw. I forgot to take my epilepsy medication.
4 hours passed, and my brain turned into hot acid that dripped out of my ears. I mean that as literal as possible, that's exactly what it felt like. A burning sensation in my head that swooshed around as I moved. I was so dizzy and in so much pain. I took my med and 3 hours later I was fine enough. Can you imagine if I went to work like that? What if one day when I live independently, I do something haphazardly that fucks me up? I'm so sensitive, so many triggers.
I'm a little grateful I fucked up so bad yesterday because I'll be traveling by myself very soon. It made me realize I need to set things up, so there's a game plan for any epileptic mishaps. I got a medical bracelet. And, since I'll be staying with my grandma, I told her what my seizures look like and what to do. I feel a bit safer now.
My fuck-up also taught me that I really do need a service dog. I never realize how serious my condition is until something goes wrong. And things can really, really go wrong. But it makes me wonder, how would a service dog go with my career? How would me being disabled go with my career in general? I want to work and live life like a normal person, but I also need to be safe and have my medical needs met. I'm thinking of being a teacher, or at least a substitute, temporarily while I get things figured out. Don't want to enter the IT field just yet because I have a lot that's not set in stone that could get in the way of any long term employment.
The good thing about absolute freedom is that I have a lot of options and opportunities. Might get turned down by a lot, if not most, of them. But they're still there! I will figure out some way to get myself from one goal to the next. Because that's really all I'm left with in life now. Eventually, the goal is to die happy. But for now, I'd just like to do what I have to in order to rent an apartment on my own. Possibly have a mattress and food in it too, but that's optional.
Since I'm no longer in school, I'll be going back to working on my project. Which means less updates here that not many people actually look at anyway (Booooo 👎). I will definitely still watch my fellow neocitiers pages though, can't escape my peering eyes that easily.
Thanks for the read. Eat a Pop-Tart.
2/28/24
I am currently inflicted with the most God-awful case of senioritis and burnout combined.
I get my bachelor's degree in two and a half weeks. I have been doing intense IT classes nonstop with no breaks since I graduated high school 2 years ago. I have 11 weeks for each class to learn and take exams for material that is usually taught over two semesters. I am DEAD. This is a cybersecurity degree and I had to put in more effort faster than the average student. I CANNOT get myself to do any more classwork. Istg I might fail because I can’t push myself to do anything anymore. But I am so fucking close. Two more major essays, maybe a dozen labs, some discussion posts, and my finals. And it’s finally fucking over. But I am NOT helping myself in the slightest.
Of course, I, a master of brilliant ideas, made the wonderful choice to start a new passion project exactly when my last three classes took place. Since late November I have spent countless hours of my time on this damn project. (I keep trying to calculate the time but I keep getting it wrong, thought it was 200 hours, then 300, but now I don’t even know.) Most often, this time is in 12-hour-a-day intervals. 30,000+ words written, 40 drawings, and I’m not counting lines or files of code. I did this thinking, “Hey! I’m so passionate about this, I can’t get burnt out!” Ahaha. What a dumbass. I don’t regret it. But Christ.
Even though I am normally a silly whimsical lad, my writing is most often serious and gritty. My emotions have been a bit dictated by the kinds of things I’m writing. Which is awful when my mind is constantly on this story. I feel such an exciting thrill when I reach a milestone. But, as soon as that high is over, I’m back to mucking over the details.
I’m coming back to my website for a bit to help myself stay away from this project for some time. I’ve also gotten back to reading and programming other things to add to my portfolio. I really, really hope I manage to do my classwork. I love the field I’m going into but I am so run down after everything.
1/21/2024 Trigger Warning
I was considering sharing my old dreams here on this site. I have a very long “dream archive.” This is because due to the brain defect I was born with, I have had a sleeping disorder my entire life. I only have extremely vivid nightmares and when I’m not having nightmares I’m stricken with intense insomnia. So, every time I had an interesting nightmare, I’d write it down. I don’t do it so much nowadays since my medication helps manage these issues and I sleep soundly. I thought it would be interesting to create a page dedicated to sharing those old nightmares. But after rereading the archive, absolutely not. I can’t believe I even shared that archive with close friends before. It’s horrific. Endless gore, mentions of sexual abuse or suicide, and my commentary discussing how disgusting things were fascinating to experience. Almost every dream had something to do with someone suffering horrible painful things. Watching murdered bodies rot, tearing and eating my flesh, seeing guts splattered on concrete, it just would not stop. Over and over again, absolutely awful descriptions. And I felt it as if it was physically real every time. Can you imagine? What it would be like for every single night of your life for 19 years to be spent so awfully? I can’t, it’s a memory I’m so unfamiliar with all I feel is pity for the old me. I feel like I better understand who I once was and why I was that way. I must have been so desperate to cope with constantly experiencing such real, terrifying things.
The only dream possibly worth sharing is this:
The Stupidest Shit May 9, 2021 at 3:35 AM
I haven’t been scared of a nightmare in so damn long. I was in a kitchen and a girl was opening the fridge so I walked into the next room and there was this fucking chimpanzee. Except you know that creepy trollface gif where the eyes move really fast? It was those exact eyes except they were stuck staring at me. I walk backwards out of the room and when I’m back in the kitchen, it’s an exact loop of when the dream started. Girl opens fridge, I go towards next room... HOLY FUCK. THE DREAM WASNT A LOOP. FUCKING CHIMPANZEE IS STANDING STRAIGHT UP IN THE DOORWAY LIKE 6 FEET TALL AND I DIDNT SEE IT. THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I’VE HEARD MY ACTUAL SCREAM IN A DREAM. The girl shrieks behind me too omfg this was so scarily real I forgot I was asleep. I woke up immediately in a cold sweat, heart pounding. What the actual fuck.
1/17/2024
My life has taken a turn. A very, VERY big turn. I thought I had my future and my life all figured out. See, I used to think I was special, a bad kind of special. I was talented at showing compassion to those who did not deserve it. To find worth in my skill, I had to be miserable at all costs. I surrounded myself with the worst people imagineable. All I wanted was to show love to someone who lacked it themselves. I really hoped that if I did that, I would finally do enough for someone to be kind to me. And, as if that really was my life purpose, I got exactly what I asked for.
It was my first serious, long-term relationship. At the time, I felt happy enough for it to last me my whole life. I dedicated my all to them even if it hurt. I loved them. But the relationship absolutely could not have ended any worse. Their words and actions must have been handpicked to be the most hurtful things I ever experienced. To be honest, I am very thankful for their clear intentions. Because it made me realize, if this was truly what I wanted, they were perfect. But they aren’t what I want. So I left.
Forgive me for being blunt and rude. That breakup was one of the best decisions of my life! LOL! I’ve really had the chance to find myself. And not in the “So heartbroken I went to the gym, started a business, and listen to alpha male podcasts,” kind of way. Finding myself was unintentional and honestly mocked beforehand. Yet, it would have been impossible and never reach my path if I was still with my ex.
Being single, there was no one around to stop me from traveling to my family’s home country. There wasn’t anyone to be passive aggressive about my lack of attention. There was no reason for me to be glued to my phone every moment while I was there. I hated the idea. I didn’t even remember my family so I was just begging for the whole ordeal to get over with.
What I found during that trip, was love in something other than a person outside of myself. I love the person I am when I am there. I’m filled with childhood memories and a sense of belonging among my family and the people I come across. I felt like I was in a world where I’m understood and I can understand others. I was in a place where I was given opportunities and I could see a future.
This is a goal I want to and can realistically work towards, living there. I have the time and the drive. I’m almost done with a degree that will get me a good job to afford everything. I have family that can help me move. There are steps in place for me to achieve something healthy that gives me purpose. I’m excited! I can’t believe I finally see something that makes me WANT a good life! I want to use this site to write logs on my process. Learning a language, getting new jobs, improving my relationship with my family, more traveling. Happy happy happy. I’m proud of myself. Root for me!
Thank you for reading! I hope you all have a wonderful day! Also, if you too have found direction OR are struggling to find it yourself, feel free to talk to me! It’s an interesting topic so I’d love to hear!
11/10/2023
It has been nearly a year since I last updated this site. 11 months ago I made an article about how I’m rebranding and taking things in a new direction. I worked on the 2nd edition of Poptartbox slowly through the months, but it wasn’t until now that I really got the feel for it. Back then, I had a lot to say and write about. Now, I have even more to say and write about. A lot about me has changed, and I’ve learned many things about life. But one thing that hasn’t changed, is how much I LOVE writing. My old oversharing blog helped me take a lot off my mind and I think I need that right now. I’ve also been very inspired by people on social media who are. just. so. open.
I’m often ashamed of myself and my emotions. That or I gaslight myself into avoiding them. Everything I do and feel has to be decided by whoever is perceiving me. You don’t like me? Okay, I’m less of myself. Me being upset makes you upset? Okay, then I’m feeling fine. But then I come across people online, who are crying openly, or wear short sleeves with visible scars, or are unapologetically themselves. Not that long ago I was very judgemental of them. And people are hateful toward them, aggressively. So I felt I was in the right to be judgemental because I could never be so open. But then I realized, these people aren’t ignoring the judgment towards them, they’re accepting themselves AND supporting others with similar stories. There was this one video someone made about the commentary regarding their scars. They talked about it so nonchalantly, like it was just part of their body. And it made me realize that it’s true. I have self-harm scars myself and not in a million years did I think I could say that to anybody. But it’s just a fact. I’m still beautiful, and I have a likable body, and I’m learning to love myself. My scars aren’t really that big of a deal. The bigger deal is that I’m clean and recovering, that fact makes people happy. I would never tell anyone that I was bi or trans unless it was a necessity either. Or that I get really emotional. Or that I struggle with a lot of basic things because of my epilepsy. I’ve lived life having to put in so much effort to even look in a mirror or walk outside my house because I’ve been very sensitive to judgment. But lately, I started putting a trans flag keychain on my bag and going out. People are a lot nicer when I’m not avoiding their eyes and hiding in corners. It actually feels really good to talk more openly with new people I’m meeting and befriending. Unfortunately, it’s going to be raining kinda hard for the next few days so I’m gonna be all mucky and depressed and all self-reflecting in my dark room alone. Life’s been hard but, so far I think I’ve done a pretty good job treating myself healthily. I can still be sad and cry when I need to but I just as equally can keep busy or socialize and have fun. It’s a tough battle to be healthy, yet it’s worth it. Especially when the alternative drags me back down to the shitty life I used to have.
Thank you for reading my first entry on here. I hope you have a lovely day, and make sure to treat yourself to a Pop-Tart, you deserve it!