Content Warning: I say a lot of naughty words
My most treasured childhood photos took place in my family’s home country, Puerto Rico. For the longest time, if someone ever asked for a face reveal, I’d send them one photo in particular. Baby me, with short, curly hair, wearing a pair of rockin’ sunglasses, and a vibrant, blue ocean in the background. That infant swagger is unmatched, I have never met someone with a cooler baby photo.
Unfortunately, I hadn’t been to Puerto Rico in a very, very long time. So long in fact, that when I finally went back in January (2024), everyone had already grown up. The last time I was on that island, we were building little sand castles and flying kites. In January, we were gambling and partying hard to musical artists known for ‘beautiful lyrics’ such as, “En la cama te voy a penetrar el ano.”
Spanish is quite a romantic language. Boricuas above all people have mastered the art of letting their language shine. For you English speakers, think about this: What if Taylor Swift ONLY made music about how she wanted to fuck a girl’s ass so fucking bad. Like, “If I was that girl’s pussy, then I would upload photos so everyone could see how delicious it is” (real lyrics by the way). Well if that’s your dream, Puerto Rico has Bad Bunny! He is literally considered “THE KING of Latin Trap.” And, his following is a mirror image of what Taylor Swift has done to Americans.
You can only imagine how “expressive” Puerto Rico is in comparison to the USA. I can’t even explain it other than “You just had to be there.” Now of course, if you’re just a tourist you’re not really going to see the island’s culture. Especially if you don’t at least understand Spanish. But, I guess I can summarize it as the island having no shame. In fact, Boricuas are VERY prideful.
It’s far more offensive to call a Boricua a Mexican than to call them a cocksucking dickhole from hell. Because the island, the culture, the community, and everything about Puerto Rico means the actual fucking world to them. If someone ever said to my grandma “I hope Puerto Rico becomes a state so it has more governmental support,” she would faint, get back up, and immediately yell their ear off. It is very serious.
This mindset seeps into everything about the island’s culture. This includes familial values, the way “everyone knows everyone,” the music, the love for graffiti... And even sexual acceptance. For straight people, it's not particularly rare to find girls enticing a cute guy by shaking their asses to music from a nearby club at 3 am. For *not* straight people, this means a country that is mostly very accepting of LGBT. Just don’t go to the mountains, for your own safety. But other than that, I am very worried about whenever I have the balls to visit a gay bar. There is no shaming away from promiscuity.
I can go on and on about everything I’ve discovered. Whether I’ve learned it from experience, my family, or interactions with Boricuas online. But, I’ve got to get to the point.
I want to be part of this island. I want to be in its culture. I want to see my friends and family and everyone I know and say “I am a Boricua living in Puerto Rico.” I want to go through all the bad and the good of that country the second I step out my front door on my way to work. And, I think that might actually happen. In some shape or form at the very least.
I’m traveling back to Puerto Rico again in April. Except this time on my own. Staying over with my grandma in an apartment that I very passionately want to call mine. I’m not even sure how long I’ll be staying. A weekend? A week? A few weeks? A month? And, I’m positive it won’t be long until I can visit again after that. It helps to know that even if I don’t end up living there, I still have a place on that island to be. That apartment is just a flight away.
But, I seriously need Spanish fluency. I understand song lyrics. I can read books. I can even overhear my mom discussing the insane family drama over the phone. Yet, I froze when the cashier at that bookstore asked ¿Quieres una bolsa con eso? And, when my grandpa asked “¿Entiendes español?” I knew exactly what he just said but my mouth wouldn’t move. He laughed, “Guess not.” I was so frustrated with myself.
Now that my degree is basically in my hands, I have all the time I could ever need. I’ve already done a lot to improve my Spanish since January.
I swear if I walk into that bookstore again and I get immediately clocked as a gringo... I will be a little mad. I refuse to fly back to that country if I can’t even communicate with the people welcoming me.
I’m writing this article as another method to improve myself. I was staring at the ‘Romance’ section of my website wondering, “When am I ever going to use this as I planned to?” And I realized, “What better way than to write in a Romance language itself?”
If you are fluent in Spanish, and you get sick of me butchering your language, then call me out! Not if you’re from España though, you don’t even speak Spanish right in the first place (Don’t hurt me). But tips and critiques are certainly appreciated.
When I go back to visit, I expect to face a lot of the “No es ano, es año,” talk that every high school Spanish class suffers on a daily basis. It really doesn’t help that Boricuas speak weirdly. My mom, born and raised in PR, even speaks differently than my grandma, also born and raised in PR. I don’t understand why one of them says “me *yah*mo” and the other one says “me *jah*mo.” As a kid, I grew up saying it both ways and now I speak all types of weird.
I’ll fix it eventually.
Estoy muy incómodo por los pies de Dani Flow en esa cancion “Abre las patotas.” Pero, la cancion es tan buena que solo cierro los ojos. Necesito decir eso en alguna parte.
Gracias por leer. I hope you have a wonderful day. :)